Thanks. Just trying to get some perspective on what BMs appreciate.
1) My bouquet of flowers, or anything else she wants me hold while walking in the processional.
2) If she demands the use of professionals in my own grooming (hair, nails, makeup, tanning) instead of allowing me to do it myself, so long as I produce the exact same style or look she wants for her maids. For example, I am quite capable of putting my hair in a really beautiful french twist. If the Bride says that I *must* hire a pro to style my hair in a french twist, even though I can already do it myself, then she should foot the bill for this waste of money.
3) If she demands that I wear a particular piece of jewelry that I don't already own or can borrow.
4) All the trappings of being of guest. (An invitation sent to me via the post which includes my fiance/husband, a programme, meal/drink at the reception, a favor, etc.)
The bride should pay for the bouquet, which she usually does. And of course any food and drink at the reception as a proper hostess does. Beyond that, unless she demands a certain look (everyone wear their hair and makeup a certain way or wear a certain type of jewelry or shoes, nails done a certain way), she is not required to pay for any of it because it is the bridesmaids' responsibility that they take on when they accept the role. She should get them a heartfelt thank you note and a generous thank you gift within her budget that fits their individual personalities/interests that is not wedding-related that they will enjoy and that does not become a dust collector.
Most brides nowadays are paying for their wedding, or a portion of it, so having them pay for your dress, shoes, etc can get VERY expensive!
I was MOH at my cousins' wedding, and she paid for the dresses.. Granted, there were only two of us, but we were all very surprised. We offered to pay for them over and over, or to help in some way, and she said no.
At my wedding, I plan on asking the bridesmaids if they can pay for half of everything (dresses, shoes, jewelery), and if not, I will make up the difference, no questions asked. :)
I honestly don't think the bride should pay for anything, unless there are large amounts of travel expenses for you, in which case she should pay for the dress and stuff, or offer to pay for half.
OH to be a Bride's Maid. First you really need to understand what the means. You have warm and fuzzy feelings of fun and all - but you have responsibilities. This is what the Brides Maids do. They were chosen to assist the Bride, not to expect her to assist them. This is also why you can decline the position of Brides Maid. It is not for the light hearted, weak or poor.
And depending on the Bride, size of the wedding, type of wedding and such - you will be expected to preform several tasks and financial obligations to make the Bride's life easier. Yes, if she for your nails or makes outrageous demands, you can speak up - but be ready for a melt down or tantrum.
You needed to find out what it meant to be her Brides Maid from the start and to know what kind of friendship you had. If you love her, be there and ask no questions - help her out. Someday, Karma will return this to you. Hopefully!! ha ha
I think the bride should pay for anything that she is "requiring" other than the dress. If she is requiring specific shoes, hair, nails, jewelry, makeup, etc, than she should foot the bill. As a bridesmaid, you agree to buying a dress (usually) at the time that you agreed to being a bridesmaid.
Well if the bride and groom are paying for their entire wedding themselves with no help from parents, etc., then I don't think bridesmaids should expect the bride and groom to pay for anything. Can't a bridesmaid handle paying a few hundred or less for an outfit? Everyone else that is invited is paying for their own clothes, right? Being a bridesmaid is supposed to be an honor, not a free outfit/hair and makeup. But that's just my opinion.
A BM should be prepared to be part of a group effort toward finding a dress that nobody hates, to travel to an from 2 or 3 try-ons and fittings, to pay for her clothing and basic grooming, to help with RSVPs and thank you letters, and to participate in rehearsal including dinner, to stand up with you at the wedding, and to act as a deputy host at the reception. Any other demands on the BM's schedule or pocketbook should be agreed upon in writing before any BM accepts the sometimes dubious honor. I see all to many "Wedding Drama" questions here in which BMs don't seem to realize that formal wear isn't something you can run to the store and grab at the final moment like a loaf of bread, and also of brides who believe themselves entitled to plan parties and outings and send the bills to the BMs.
If the bride *requires* that I get my nails done or something, I think she should maybe pay for that. And for a boquet or whatever she has me carrying down the aisle. But my dress & shoes are my responsibility. If I chose, myself, to get a mani/pedi, that's my responsibility. Yeesh~she's paying for enough as it is, to expect her to pay for all of my stuff, too...that's a little much. I know when I'm asked to be a bridesmaid & I accept, that I am committing, not just moral support & my time, but also my finances.
I think the bride should at least chip in on your dress, if not then maybe buy your shoes. If she insists on you having your nails done she should also pay for that. As far as hair goes, I wouldn't expect the bride to pay for it, but it would be nice if she did. It is very expensive for a BM, people don't realize that. Usually they have to host the bridal shower and bachlorette party, and buy a gift for each. When I was my sisters BM just the parties alone cost me over $500.00 not including the gifts I bought her for each. Then there is all the time and energy spent helping the bride. It is the brides day, if she wants something the BM cannot afford, she should be willing to help pay for it.
The bride should pay for anything required. I paid for the BMs dresses, hair and makeup. I also told them if they wanted/had to get new shoes I would buy them as well. I got them BM gifts of course, I don't think the dress and stuff is a gift per-se. I don't want my girls to spend anything they don't have to, especially when they will probably never wear or use any of it again. I think a responsible bride discusses finances with her BMs and asks them to spend only what they can afford if anything. I never expected my girls to pay for anything and would never ask them to pay anything to stand up for me. I want them there whether they can afford it or not. To me, its about their presence and support, not whether or not they can afford the dress/shoes/hair.
Good luck!
I think the bride should pay for the
jewelry
shoes
dress
hair
makeup
my mom has 6 daughters and 3 are now married, and she and my father always paid for all of that stuff. doing this also gives the bride more "freedom of decision" because she isn't worrying about a certain bridesmaid not being able to foot the bill.
I don't think it's necessary that the bride foot the bill for anything, unless she DEMANDS that everyone have the same nails done, have their hair a certain way, etc... I know it's appreciated by bridesmaids to get something paid for, but I wouldn't expect a bride to. It would just be nice.
As a future bride, I'm not requiring my BM's to get their nails/hair done. They can do as they wish, and I know they'll look great. I am considering giving them each a $40 card to a salon, however. But that's just something thoughtful to do for them. Not something expected from me.
Hmmm... interesting way to ask the question. As I bridesmaid, I guess I don't *expect* the bride to pay for anything. I *hope* that she will be reasonable in her choices so the cost doesn't become a burden for us.
Maybe an easier way to say it is what I expect to pay: about $150 for a dress, cost of hair and manicure, sharing costs of the bridal shower and maybe bachelorette party. Hopefully she'll let us wear our own shoes, jewelry and do our own makeup. The bride usually pays for other expenses, like a limo if they are having it, the bouquets, food, etc.
I was in a recent wedding and the bride was great: she used dresses from another friends wedding that we were all in, so we didn't have to buy new dresses. She paid for the hair and makeup and gave us jewelry to wear. It was really sweet that she tried to keep the costs down for us. But of course, we never expected it!
Hopefully that answers your question!
Bridesmaid - everything they need for that day - own dress, shoes, jewelry, hair/nails, tanning, etc.
Bride - is not required to pay for anything but it's typical that a bride will buy each BM a piece of jewelry (earrings, necklace, bracelet, etc) or pay for their hair/nails to be done
I think it's customary for the bride to buy the bridesmaids' jewelry that goes with the dresses, that's it. that's all I ever got as a bridesmaid gift for the 4 weddings I've been in. once the bride paid for us all to get our hair makeup and nails done, that was nice. another time the bride's cousin did our hair so it was free, that was good. and 1 time the bride's parents sent me $200 toward my airfare because I was their favorite bridesmaid ;) but really it costs a lot to be a bridesmaid because I had to pitch in to host the shower and bachelorette, airfare, shoes dress, gifts, etc. and I still have 2 of the dresses in my closet and I can't sell them on ebay for some reason!
I would assume that a bridesmaid pays for her own dress and shoes (unless it is really really expensive). I am giving the girls a gift certificate to get their hair and nails done for the wedding as my gift to them.
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