It is rude to plan a party for oneself in which the object is to shower one with gifts.
However: It's perfectly reasonable for the bride to have a gift registry. And say she's allergic to peanuts or a vegetarian--it's perfectly reasonable for her to insist on no peanuts, or vegetarian food.
But running the whole show micromanaging everything? Definitely not reasonable nor polite.
I think to some extent. I think you need to look at where the bride is coming from. I recently invited all my future in-laws to my home for a party. I was crazy trying to get everything together. I had to get food they liked, things they liked to drink I tried making the seating as comfortable as possible. I pulled out all the stops. I wanted to make a good impression. I like making good impressions and I like things done well and nicely.
I have wonderful and amazing friends and I don't have to worry about their party planning abilities. However, if I had friends who had a completely different view on what makes a bridal shower, then I might say something. I'm not saying you are like this, but I'll use some examples. I might be appalled if my friend's were serving food I'd never serve my guests or having a bridal shower at a location I knew wasn't my style.
Even though the shower is being "thrown" for the bride, it still is a reflection of her. It's a reflection of the type of company she keeps and I can understand why she would want to make a good impression. So, I think if the bridesmaids are doing something that is going to embarrass the bride or her family, then she has reason to step in.
I'm not saying that's what's happening here. But, she might be accustom to a certain standard and feel like people are half-a$$ing her shower.
Why don't you and the bridesmaids throw her a surprise shower instead? Plan it like a month in advance of when she "thinks" her shower is happening. Since you already know what she likes, incorporate those things if you want -- but don't feel like you have to do it exactly as she wants. She'll be so shocked and touched that you went to the trouble of planning a surprise shower that she won't even care if it's different. If she complains (doubtful) just tell her you were planning this surprise for a long time.
You write: She has completely taken over as far as what will be served, and what gifts she wants to receive. Is this unreasonable?
Yes, it is rude.
The etiquette-conscious bride leaves the planning of all pre-wedding parties to others. She can make a suggested guest list, if requested by her hostess or hostesses. But other than that? No. Bride sticks to planning wedding and reception. She leaves the bridal shower planning and the bachelorette party planning to others.
Although the bride should get *some* input on the shower (after all, it is for her!), she most certainly should not be involved in the main planning. This should be left up to the MOH and the bridesmaids. I could understand the food thing if there were guests attending who had "special needs" when it comes to certain foods. As for the gifts, as long as she isn't specifying exactly what she wants from her guests, don't look too much into that.
I feel the bridesmaids should handle the planning. The bride already have to deal with a great transition in life and she doesn't need to over stress and turn into a Bride-zilla. If she turns into a Bride-zilla, she can ruin her own wedding because members of the wedding party may not fully cooperate with her demands. The bride should make her requests known and who ever is involved in the planning should consider her wishes.
bridezilla move over!! traditionally it is the maid of honors duty to pan and have the bridal shower the maid of honor is usually a sister or bestfriend so who could possibly kno better what the bride wants and likes i am in the process of planning my friends bridal shower and i have asked her her input and showed her my ideas and plans but my friend is a saint and appricates everything and would nver complain plus she trusts me and i would die before lettin her down
Only the host(ess) of a shower should be doing the planning. Honestly, if I was in your shoes I'd tell her that if she dislikes what you're planning that much you won't make her suffer through it. If she can't remember that you're doing her a big favour by hosting this party for her, she doesn't need to have it.
I think she should back off. She's free to make suggestions for food, gifts on a registry, etc., but she shouldn't take over the planning. That's one of the small joys of being a bridesmaid. Is she going to dominate the planning for the bachelorette party too? Yikes.
WOW, picky.. why don't you just tell her "don't worry, you will love the shower..let it be a suprise" if she doesn't find that acceptable, throw the notebook at her and let her do it herself cause she sounds stubborn as **** to me
no you shouldnt let her even worry about take her considerations but i think that part of the bridesmaid job is to plan the shower and the bachelor party. just tell her it will be kick *** no matter what
well...the fact is, she IS the show. if she knows what she wants, let her do it. make the games a surprise! but i think as far as what gifts she wants seems tacky especially if shes already registered somewhere!
Hey look at it this way, less work for the bridesmaids.
plan it to her taste! it's her day!
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