I tend to believe that if confronted with poor manners, that the polite thing to do is to ignore the offensive behavior. Therefore, I will deliberately choose to purchase a present that is appropriate for the bride and groom, and expressly not on their registry. If they had been particularly rude, then I will have it monogrammed so they cannot return or regift it. This feels kind of petty, but I do not confront their error, and still acknowledge the importance of their wedding day with an appropriate gift. This usually is not an issue... but I have TWO invitations with registry info on them.
What do you do?
I do just what you said. I may be perverse, but seeing that makes me determined to give a gift that is not from any store on their list. I either make them something, have something made for them (such as a quilt, an embroidered sampler, or a calligraphed piece), or purchase an antique. If they are very dear to me, I give them a gift certificate so they can purchase what they want, since it seems important to them.
But future brides, take note! This is so impolite, please never include your registry on your invitation. If people want to know, they will ask.
I really don't think you should respond in a rude way just to throw it in her face. Many people are just victims of ignorance and really DON'T KNOW. You should just let her slide - maybe she's not being greedy. Wedding etiquette is just not as widely known these days.
I think that brides asking for a specific gift or money is offensive,,especially on the invitation,,If people ask you what you need then tell them..But sending that in the invitation or asking for money over a gift is inappropriate. I think it is up to the guest on what they want to give
It's just so SAD that this happens.
We never buy from the registry anyway, always choose a gift to suit the couple. Your mannerliness is above reproach.
I CANNOT BELIEVE THE TACKINESS OF BRIDES TODAY!!!! A GIFT IS GRAVY--BUY WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO BUY--IT IS YOUR GIFT TO THEM, YOUR CHOICE.
I agree that it is "improper" to put registry info in invitations, but not everyone really know the "proper" thing to do. Many people think they are making it easier on their guests. Some guests will ask.
At any rate, two wrongs don't make a right and what you are doing is also rude. You are trying to force your version of "propriety" on to others, and THAT is improper too.
I always give money. As for putting it in the invitation hey when they are shelling out $50 bucks a guest then they can ask for whatever they want.
I personally prefer no guest just me the groom and close family. The whole big wedding thing defeats the purpose.
In general, the thing to do would be to ignore the offensive behavior. However, in this case, I think that your plan will merely be ineffective passive-aggression. The couple will not know why you are not buying something on the registry and you may spend money on something no one wants. I think it would be better to be up front with them so they know better and don't do the same with birth announcements or housewarming invitations when the time comes.
ugh, that's totally tacky! i really think this happens because people are ignorant. now granted, i am 25, got married almost 3 years ago, but even i knew you're not supposed to do that.
i love your approach--monogrammed items, LOL! i guess you could send an anonymous note, but what's done is done. i have never personally received an invite with registry info--unless a baby shower invite counts.
I wouldn't mention it to the bride- I'm sure all her friends thought it was a great idea (so she gets exactly what she wants-- it's "her day" you know lol) As for the gift... I'd probably not use the registry at all. Buying gifts off the registry is not mandatory.
Well i agree that it is rather tacky but things are changing and
you either have to go along with it or stay at home and not go to the wedding. To do the opposite to what you know they want is rather mean spirited and does not make you a better person with more class than them.
i think i would just buy whatever i would have bought without the information but, don't be just as rude to have something monogrammed so they cannot return the item...
afterall, some people DON'T know any better, YOU do! show some class here!
Wow you have alot of time your hands. I means seriously do you have nothing better to do with your time than complain about what tacky brides put on their invites. Sure they're money grubbing but you aren't much better with that holier than thou thing you've got going.
Greedy people!
It might be evil of me but I would get the registry and buy them something that they have already had purchased from it (like that 2nd toaster) so that you know they have to go and return it. and we all know that returns are a pain. He-he!
They really should have known better, it's like the #1 wedding ediquitte no-no.
You're supposed to just ignore it. I wouldn't go as far as to monogram it. Once someone receives a gift, it is up to them what they decide to do with it. Placing conditions, whether overt or implied, on a gift is rude, too.
I wish couples would stop doing this. It really bothers me. I'm not against registries, cause in today's world, it seems a necessary evil to avoid receiving multiples of the same item. I also would feel silly if I knew that 3 other people gave a couple the same thing I did. So, they serve their purpose, but they should be kept on the down low! It just goes along with the growing materialism of weddings though. Some couples today think that their guests owe them something since they're paying for their dinner. Yikes. And they have this crazy misconception that it's "their" day. I don't know who went around spreading that load. The marriage is about the couple--the wedding is about celebrating that marriage with the family and friends. Otherwise, you should just elope.
just ignore it and get over it honestly, a bride and groom have the right to do whatever the hell they want, buy them something that they asked for on the registry, this isnt your day to get all
up tight about, its their day so do as they say, they were nice enough to invite you so you should be nice enough to respect how they have done things
This faux paus makes me sick. My boyfriend and I recently got an invite to his cousin's wedding with registry info inside. Ugh! How tacky!
They listed a store I have never heard from, so I think we will send a target gift card or something.
I totally would do what you do. Especially if they ask for cash. That's so rude.
I agree with you . . stating where you are "registered" on a wedding invitation is a form of "solicitation" and just plain TACKY but there are some people in this world that do not know it is improper or just don't care.
Here's a simple solution that will help you and help them . . buy them a nice wedding gift. If you want to buy them something that's not on their gift list that's fine, it is your option. Do not give them cash or a gift certificate.
After the wedding tell you friend, and I assume it is a friend of yours, that sending out "registry" information or requests for "cash" is improper and offensive to people. And, hopefully, that will make you feel better and the "erroneous" Bride will pass that information on to another Bride.
And if this will make you feel any better . . I get "registry" information in wedding invitations also (and I don't like it either).
Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant
Sorry to say, but that's becoming the norm these days. I honestly believe that they were not trying to be "greedy" as you see it, but trying to make it easier for their guests. Most guests have to ask around to find out where the couple is registered at in order to buy them the appropriate present. They were just trying to make things easier for their guests and eliminate the purchase of invitation inserts that state where the couple is registered at. They were just staying up with the current trend.
I asked a question regarding this about a month ago regarding how I should send out my own invitations. I received many answers telling me to put the registry information on the invitation itself. I opted not to go that route, but by the response I received I am understanding that it's not improper to put registry information on invitations anymore.
I agree, it's completely rude and tacky! However, if the person is a close friend, you ignore the tactlessness they've displayed, and get them something they want. I understand that you want them to learn proper etiquette, but since I'm assuming that they won't be sending out MORE invitations anytime soon, teaching them a lesson won't really improve future behavior. As surprising as it is, there are still some people who don't realize that including the registry on the invitation is inappropriate. I think a nice gift that's not on the registry would be totally appropriate, but monogramming it purely so they can't return it might be taking it a step too far (however, I did get some personalized things for my wedding that weren't on my registry - don't worry, registry info wasn't on the invitation ;) - and I loved them.)
I agree that its tacky but I also agree that she may not know better. My bestfriend put her registry cards in with her invites because she honestly thought she was doing the guests a favor by having info ready available so it was easy to shop.
While it may be fun to think of inventive ways to prod back at her thats not really ignoring the offensive behavior is it? You are just as guilty of tackyness. Buy whatever it is you were already going to get or if you are super offended just get something cheaper but still on the registry. EG. a spoon set instead of dishes IDK. Its stupid and a waste of your money to buy them something you know they will not like. If I was the bride and you dilebrately did that I would show you how rude you were by giving you the damn thing back at Christmas. It'll turn into a fruitcake cycle and never end.
You know - MOST brides are being told that including registry information is "ok" and well techinically, it isn't - most guests appreciate it because they really do want to know what to get. I still recommend to brides that they find other means to share this information so that they don't offend those stuck up, full of themselves guests who take offense to stuff like that.
On that note- it may be time to get off your high horse. People have been getting married for centuries - and guests have been buying wedding gifts for just as long. Let's not pretend that it;s a "big" surprise that the bride is registered somewhere! The truth is, 90% of her wedding guests are probably relieved to have this information there and not have to call around to find out where she is registered. For you to purposely go out of your way to buy something NOT on the registry simply because you are offended makes you just as rude and improper as she. By the way - ignoring the mistake would have meant you would have done what you would have done if the registry was not listed on there: purchase something from the registry after calling to find out where she registered. By purposely NOT buying from her registry, you are not only NOT ignoring the error - you are probably wasting your money on something she does not want or need.
It is not your job to "punish" every bride who you think does not do things properly. Welcome to the 21st century - time to act like an adult I think.
Oh come on...relax. Just because they may not know better, doesn't mean that you need to be nasty about it. To deliberately be spiteful? Have you ever heard.... DONT SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF! There are way too many other things going on in this world to get yourself worked up about. Just brush it off and buy the bride a gift that she actually wants.
get them somethin on the list. then you know they like and need it. if you get them something else (even monogramed) they may not like it and sell it at a garage sale, re-gift it, or give it away. i can't tell you how many of my wedding gifts i didn't like or need and i tried to sell them at a garage sale. plus weddings are expensive, if they invited you and are paying for your dinner, just get them something they want and need. they might not even know that they are being rude by listing the info...it may just be a new common thing that the bride thinks she's suppose to do to help her guests
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