Elope. :-)
If she doesn't wish to learn how to combat her shyness at this point, the couple can choose to elope or to have a small wedding with just their parents, siblings, and grandparents - no cousins, uncles, etc.
Or she can teach herself not to be shy. It is possible, and may very well be necessary if the bride wants to succeed in life. Acting shy is unfortunately not seen by others as a positive character trait: others may see it, incorrectly, as attention-seeking behaviour ("look at me, I'm so shy! Look at me look at me being shy!") or as a sign that the person is unfriendly and rude and is using shyness as an excuse to be a snob. I know this isn't true in the least: trust me, I've been there. But it has to be combatted, because acting shy in public does hinder you in adult life. You can *be* shy without *acting* shy; it just takes patience and time and a lot of work to learn how to not act that way, and it might even need professional assistance (I'm not talking therapy as much as I am behavioural assistance). For a big deal like a large family wedding, learning how to combat it might be worthwhile.
I'm pretty shy, I had a smaller wedding of around 100 people. Really, my nerves were not an issue. The whole walk down the aisle, I just stared at my husband--I forgot that anyone was looking at me. At the reception, we went table to table together and talked to people one on one so it felt more like talking to people at a party instead of being the center of attention. It sounds so corny to say, but I was so in love and so excited about getting married that I only saw my husband and didn't worry at all about people staring at me. I've been a bridesmaid 10 times and was always nervous standing on stage...when it was finally my turn to be a bride I blocked everything out and just grinned at my husband.
If you are that shy then you may consider a very small intimate wedding that is being video taped. You can send out copies of the wedding on DVD to your family and friends. This way they can experience it and you don't have to panic.
Or you can have the small intimate wedding and video tape it. Then have a reception where the video is played. People will be mingling around and not all attention at once will be on you.
Or just elope.
add to the above:
Practice.
Go to a large public area such as a busy shopping mall and just plain sit there and watch people go by. Get used to being in a crowd. Practice deep breathing and relaxation techniques when someone catches your eye. Practice looking people in the eye and breathing and getting over being afraid.
Then go to your church and do the same, only with people you know. Again, practice being in a large crowd, breathing deep and conquering your fear with one or 2 people you know and don't have to say more than "hi, how are you?" to. Focus on relaxing. Remind yourself over and over that nothing terrible is happening! Remember - the people at church won't yell at you, they won't beat you up, they won't put you in pain! They are only people. They have faults. They make mistakes. They aren't perfect. They fart and they pee and they stink just like everyone else. They aren't purposely out to get you. They don't all hate you. They are just there. And for your wedding they are not all of them there for you. Some are just there to see other people and eat free food and drink free alcohol - they don't care who it is getting married as long as they get free food and alcohol! You could have a lot of fun just thinking about who is at your wedding for the free food and drinks and not for y
ou - it would take your mind off of being the center of attention.
And then turn it around and YOU be glad to see THEM. Focus on going out of your way to personally thank each person for coming to your wedding. Go up to each table and thank everyone at the table, and speak first before letting them talk. By learning to focus on other people instead of yourself, you will find that your fears are groundless.
you could eeither:
go away out to somewhere abroad... like Rome, Ireland, spain...
it could just be you and the groom... and just bring whoever you want. or say who ever wants to come and come! and give them details hotels and stuff. you will find that many people cant afford or wont be able to go but you were polite enough to offer!
or
keep the wedding small. im from a large family too, but weddings in our families just invited the aunts and uncles and maybe one cousin from eqach household, or cousins you know the most. people will understand, its your wedding.
or
go abroad.. get married with only very close family/friends then have a sortof blessing party for everyone back at home when you get back! there wont be as much pressure and even though it wont be as formal, peopel can stillget dressed up.
i feel the same way i dont want to be the centre of attention at my wedding, so i think i might just go out somewere sunny with only a few close friends. do whatever feels right to you.
there's no way you're gonna gather 200+ people in YOUR honor and not have your fiance freak out. I would never do it myself. I'm not extremely shy but all that conventional wedding BS is so overdone. just have a small informal wedding ceremony with your immediate family (parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts & uncles only, no cousins because that turns into a huge long list)
If the bride is from an extremely large family, she shouldn't be that timid. Is this about not wanting to invite them all and she doesn't know how to say with finesse? Or, if she really is that shy, then, Elope. Have a small wedding in a remote area like the beaches along the Fuji Islands.
1. Elope, just bride and groom alone. Maybe a nice elopement package, like this:
http://www.elopetothemountains.com/package.html
2. Have an intimate home wedding. Invite officiant, both sets of parents, and only one or two dear friends.
3. There is no need to have a 200-plus guest list, especially if you already know bride cannot handle it. Family and friends will understand. If they don't understand? Too bad. Bride's comfort should be number one. Real friends and the people who truly love you will understand.
I am the same way. I hate having attention on myself, but it's a wedding! No matter how big it is, you and your fiance will be the center of attention. It's really not that bad. Explain to her that she'll be great and there's going to be a lot going on.
I'd have a really small wedding, and invite immediate family and best friends only.
There were a total of 33 at our wedding, and I can tell you, iot was just so fun, and I got to really spend time with everyone.
Not have a large wedding. I can't think of anything else. Get married on a cruise ship or something, just the two of them - and have a reception party when they come home.
The bride should just concentrate on her groom. If your heart and eyes and mind are all focused on someone you love, the room could be empty as far as you are concerned.
She is outa luck if she wants a traditional wedding. Brides are (and should) be the center of attention.
Time to elope?
Have a ceremony and no reception.
Hmm, I suspect that the bride probably won't be able to overcome her shyness before her wedding and their families will be very disappointed if they scaled down the wedding or eloped. That's what I gathered from your description. And that she does want to celebrate with everyone - which is fine, as long as she doesn't pass out!
(I was in a wedding recently where one of the bridesmaids was extremely shy to the point where she visibly shakes when people look at her. She managed the aisle without the use of beta blockers but her bouquet kept rising - it looked like she was trying to hide behind her flowers! I whispered to her when she got up front - everyone thought I was congratulating her for making it down the aisle - I was actually telling her to lower her bouquet which was chin level by that time!)
Anyway, one of the posters mentioned that the bride should concentrate on her fiancé which is a great idea. Remind the bride that she won't notice anyone else on the day of the wedding. But I suspect she won't believe you! Or just have someone with her pretty much at all times so she won't be the sole focal point (and will have someone to hide behind!).
The 3 times she will be the focal point: When she walks down/up the aisle, the first/last dance and the cake cutting.
When she walks down the aisle - can she wear a blusher veil so her face is covered? It will make her feel better. And have her escorted down the aisle by her father, an uncle, etc. Make sure she doesn't try to cover her face with the bouquet! Walking back, she'll be with her husband and fairly sprinting anyway.
First/last dance - No hiding behind a veil here! Either you skip dancing or have the wedding party join then after a few seconds or instead of a first dance, have them open up the dance floor during dinner (the MC can announce that the bride & groom will open up the dance floor - everyone please join in - and make sure the wedding party has instructions to join in!) Ditto with the last dance.
Cake cutting - I have yet been to a wedding when I was able to see the cake cutting. The bride will be with her husband then and surrounded by photographers (official or unofficial) - they can also ask the wedding party up to surround them too. So very few people will see her and those that are there are people she's close to. Or they can skip cake. (Not going to work, I know!)
I know, you're thinking of a receiving line either after the ceremony or after the reception. I think you can skip it but even if they have to do one, she'll have her husband and family by her side so hopefully she won't be that shy. Maybe after the reception? By that time it will be dark and so she had the dimness to hide in.
It's tough but it'll work out. Everyone will be happy celebrating their happiness and not staring at the bride all day (well, they will but no need to tell her that!) Good luck!
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