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Sure, the father of the bride has to make a little speech. Big whoop! Tell a few bad jokes, tear up a bit, and raise a glass. The audience has to clap. And they think that's pressure? No. When it comes to a daughter's wedding, the mother of the bride has one of the most important and unappreciated roles. It is her job to actually set the sartorial tone of the event (at least for the mothers) with the selection of her dress. Yes, there is wedding dress etiquette for the moms.
Where to Begin?
Tradition dictates that the mother of the bride picks out her dress first and then informs the mother of the groom of her choice. Of course, this is an old tradition and it need not be followed. However, most mothers appreciate a call from a soon to be in-law. Not to mention the fact that it gives them a chance to get to know each other a bit and talk about the wedding.
Who Else Should You Call?
Informing the groom's mother of your dress selection is actually quite practical. Initially, it was to spare them the embarrassment of showing up in the same dress. A fashion redundancy that might just incite an inter-family scuffle which could result in the wedding being called off. Don't laugh, stranger things have happened. But these days the tradition is more about preventing overdressing and color clashes that can ruin expensive wedding photos.
Where does it End? With the prevalence of extended families these days, should the mother of the bride call the groom's stepmother? This is a difficult question to answer. The best play is to simply tell your daughter to tell her intended to tell his stepmother what you are wearing. That way you avoid offending the groom's mother by calling the new wife directly.
How About Color
No white, off white or anything even remotely like white. Only the bride gets to wear white at a wedding. What about black? As the color of mourning, black is also a definite no-no. And red? In the end it all depends on the shade. Tradition states that flashy colors are to be avoided at weddings. But must we always obey tradition? The simplest and most effective solution is to ask the advice of the bride. Or better yet, ask her to come shopping with you. If she is comfortable with a flashy, even sexy dress, then no one can or should object. However, if your daughter is a bit on the conservative side and prefers a more buttoned-down look, don't complain. Remember, it's her day!
And the Bridesmaids?
Again, this is a question that should be answered by the bride. Some maintain that all female members of the wedding party must have dresses that coordinate. But few brides will insist on this. More often than not, they simply want to make certain that the dresses don't clash. That is why the mother of the bride should always consult her daughter before she selects a dress.
When to Buy
The short answer: as soon as possible. As we mentioned, the mother of the bride should choose her dress before the groom's mother. Even if you don't plan on informing her of your selection, it is best to at least leave yourself that option. A general rule of thumb is that you should have your dress picked out at least month before the wedding. And even that is cutting is close. After all, if there's an issue with the dress, alterations take time and money to complete.
How Dressy is too Dressy?
Etiquette and tradition informs us that the dress code does depend in part upon the time of day that the wedding takes place. If the wedding is held during the day, slightly more casual dress with fewer accessories is acceptable, even encouraged. However, if the wedding is held at night, formal wear remains de rigueur.
How Sexy is too Sexy?
Okay, so you're a hot mama. Some kids even call you a cougar, whatever that means. Can you wear a sexy strapless ball gown to your daughter's wedding? Once again, it all depends on your daughter. If she is comfortable with you dressing a little sexy on her big day, go for! If not, there are countless other options that won't make you look old before your time. After all, class and style does not have to mean boring and buttoned-down.
Probably the easiest way to spice up a simple dress is to add an accessory or two. Scarves, broaches, sequined purses and understated jewelry are popular additions for the mother of the bride. Just remember, no bright colors or oversized jewelry. Accessories are meant to complement your ensemble, not detract from it.
Jamela Collins is a freelance writer who writes about weddings and specific products such as mother of the bride dresses.
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